Breath

They say you never know what is going on in someone’s life just by looking at them. Sometimes they can seem like there is nothing wrong, even if you ask them they may not tell you they are struggling with some issue. Sometimes they do not know how to tell someone, they may not even understand it themselves.

Sometimes is feels like no matter how hard you try you can never get ahead. Like there is always something pulling you back down. It can feel like you can not catch your breath, almost like your drowning. You try to scream and you can’t. You try to fight but you can’t. You want to tell the world that you are not ok but you can’t.

Why, why can’t we tell another person that we are not ok. I want to tell someone I am not ok but I do not know who will listen. I feel like I am alone on an island and no matter how loud I scream no one would hear me anyway.

What I tell others everyday, ask for help, talk to someone, there is always someone to talk to, these things are hard to actually act on myself.

See it is very easy to tell someone to open up, tell them there is someone out there to listen but it is a very different thing for someone to act and actually believe that someone will listen without judgement.

I am working on this everyday and will continue to share my story with you and hope that you will benefit from my experience.

State of the Ride

Ride or Die 22 is one year old today. It has been an interesting year to say the least. I started this project with really no sense of direction and over the year things slowly started to take shape.

Our main focus for this last year has really been spent shaping our social media presences. Facebook was our first and main focus achieving almost 2,000 followers. Next we started working on Twitter and Instagram. While we have been successfully building our social media platforms there is more work to be done.

Some of the other components I have played with this year is the start of the official website, designs for clothing and retail products. I wrote a short book and placed it for sale on Amazon.

Moving forward Ride or Die 22 will look to increase its social media presence by targeting a goal of 5,000 members on Facebook and 2,000 followers on both Twitter and Instagram.

I am creating a YouTube channel to begin creating inspirational and motivational original videos. I am also beginning to work on my own original show called The Ride more information will follow on that in the coming months.

My website will continue to evolve as we find more and more local resources to partner with and create exposure for.

I will be looking to create more designs for the retail portion. My retail store front is how revenue is generated for all of this to be maintained but it will be essential to the growth of the mission.

I had no idea what this project was going to become when I started but the opportunity that I have had since starting this have been great. The theme for this next year will be #shareyoustory and we will continue to build on #IamSAM and #ContinueYourStory.

The end result of this next year is to host an event for the 2nd anniversary next year.

I am SAM 2

SAM sits on the edge of their bed in the darkness reflecting on the awful things that happen today. Tears flow like a waterfall from their eyes. SAM can not see any reason for hope through the darkness and tears.

SAM does not understand why everyone else can not just accept that they are different from others. They do not know why they are different and they do not know how to change who they are. SAM has fallen into a deep darkness and they do not understand what is happening.

SAM should be care free and happy, outside playing and having a good time. But SAM is not, they are sitting in the darkness hurt by the words and action of others. SAM starts to think that life is not worth living anymore, no one will miss them, everyone would be better of if they are not there.

SAM’s best friend comes over to check on them and find them crying in the darkness. They ask SAM what is wrong and SAM spills everything to their best friend. Their best friend reaches out and wraps SAM in the biggest hug ever. Their friend says I can not change those people and they are dumb for not seeing you the way I do. You are an amazing person and regardless of any problems in your life you are still standing. Who cars what other people say or think. They do not know what you deal with on a daily basis and how strong you are just to wake up every morning.

You are a special person, you care about others, you go out of your way to do things for others. They see you as awkward and shy but they do not know that you have social anxiety and its hard for you to open up socially. They do not see the incredible strength you have just to walk out the front door everyday. They see you as too small or too big, but they do not see the battle you have everyday with a eating disorder or the tremendous amount of stress that keeps you from eating or causes you to continuously eat.

They do not see how hard it is for SAM to reach out for help and confide in someone about what they are going through. They do not think anyone will understand how they are feeling, that others will judge them even more for how they feel. They think that others will make fun of them even more then they do now. They think that others will just brush them off and think that their issues are not important or they are just trying to get attention. SAM has a reason to feel like this, in today’s society we look at those struggling with mental illness as people to avoid or they are just crying for attention. We look at them as less of a person because they struggle with day to day activities and interactions. We say things like just get up and do something or just get over it, or just put it behind you and move on.

In order for SAM to change how they think, we have to change how society thinks about mental health. Do we look at someone seeking help and say great I am glad they are getting help or do we say they are crazy or unstable and thus try to stay away from them?

If we show SAM that it is ok to open the conversation about what they are struggling with then they will at the very least know that someone will listen to them and at best they feel comfortable that they can seek help without being labeled by society as a nutcase.

I am SAM

SAM has lived a very full life and had some tremendous highs and some very intense lows. SAM is a survivor, a warrior, courageous and strong. But SAM has not always been courageous and strong, SAM hasn’t always struggled to survive. SAM is a suicide attempt member. SAM can teach many that no matter how low life can get there is a way out, there is an end to the darkness. SAM has survived life and lived a full life. Was SAM always happy, no. Did life have some trials and tribulations, yes. Were there times SAM wanted to end it all and stop the pain, yes.

SAM said I can’t do this anymore, everyone hates me, i can’t do anything right, no one will care if i die, no one will miss me, they won’t even know I’m gone. Have you said these same things. SAM said them but SAM is still here. How is SAM still here?

SAM almost wasn’t here, there was a time in SAM’s life that things were so bad SAM thought there was only one way out. The darkness was so thick and deep SAM couldn’t see the light, could not see any way out.

SAM was bullied, made fun of, tormented, abused, neglected, put down, made to feel less then others, worthless. SAM took a rope, a gun, a razor blade, some pills. SAM used many different methods water, gas, fire, choking, lose of blood to end it all. Each time SAM attempted SAM was not successful. Finally SAM realized there was a reason why SAM was still here, there was some purpose to fulfill. SAM didn’t know what it was yet but knew there was something. SAM decided to get help, open up and #ASK someone. Tell them what SAM was going through and to SAM suprise people did not bully or make fun of SAM, they embraced and comforted SAM. SAM thought it would be a burden to others but no one treated SAM that way.

SAM was told today by the parents that they wish it was SAM who had committed suicide instead of thier son. They wish he was still there instead of SAM. What do you think that does to SAM. It makes SAM want to give them what they want. To end the pain and torment they put SAM through. No parent should take their grieving out on a survivor who is trying to deal with their own grieving. A child who loses a sibling to suicide has no idea how to process those emotions, how to make sense of what has happen.

Now SAM sits alone in their room crying and trying to make sense of why their parents treat them the way they do. SAM starts to write a note saying goodbye. That SAM can not take the pain anymore. SAM is about to take that last step when SAM hears a voice tell them that the pain will end but not like this. The pain will go away with time, there is an end to the torment but it’s not like this. This is not the answer, this is not the end now, this is just a small chapter in a story that is still being written and this is not the end. You control your story and this is not where it ends; this is where you take control and begin a new chapter. You are SAM and its your turn to tell your story so others will understand and relate to what you have been through.

I am SAM!

#BeThe1 #choosetostay #suicideprevention #ContinueYourStory #IamSAM #SPN

Home

They say you can always go home
What if you do not feel you can go home
To some home is where they grew up
To some home is where their parents are
To some home is one place
To some home is wherever they lay their head down
To some home is no where
What if where you think home is you do not feel you can go back to
What if home is filled with pain
What if home is filled with hate
What if home does not feel like home anymore
What if home if filled with memories you do not want to remember
What becomes of home now
Where is home now
What if I build a new home
What if I create new memories
What if I choose to make my home where I am
What if I choose to never look back at my old home
What if I choose to move forward
What if I choose not care what others think
What if I choose to focus on me
What if I choose to continue my story
What if I choose to be at home right here, right now

Preview

Before you start reading, if you need immediate help
STOP and dial 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741

Sitting alone in a dark room, left alone with your thoughts. There is no one I can talk to, no one cares about what I am going through. No one support me in what I do or want to do. My family will never accept my choices. Everyone would be better off without me. Things would be better if I was dead. No one would miss me or even notice I was gone.

All to often someone is sitting alone with these thought. Maybe you have been there in this situation yourself or maybe you know someone like this. Often when left unchecked these thoughts often turn into actions and we lose someone close to us. This does not need to happen; everyone should know that someone cares about them and that there are resources available for those struggling. We need to create awareness of these resources so that people know where they can turn when they need someone to talk to.

Ride or Die 22 is being written to help spread the awareness of different resources, discuss techniques and different approaches to helping someone in crisis. It will also share some personal experiences of how to help yourself and setup a plan to have support when something happens.
No one should have to suffer through challenges alone, there should always be someone to talk to, to support and encourage. If a support system can be created around us then when something tragic happens we will have people to lean on and support us. But it takes work on our part to create that support system it will not magically just happen.

How can you create a support system around you? How can you educate yourself about resources available? Where can I find information to help my friend? Is there training online that I can take to better help others or myself?

Ride or Die 22

Ride or Die 22 was created because I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I did not see the warning signs and was not fully educated on how to help if I had seen something that would have given me a clue. I thought this can not just be me that does not know these things, so I have set out to help educate others on the different resources available to help yourself and loved ones who may need it.

Our mission is to create awareness of suicide prevention resources so that we do not lose another loved one to suicide. We need to change the perception of those who struggle with suicidal thoughts, they are not weak, they are overwelled and need someone to help them. Most times they just need to feel that someone cares how they are feeling, other times they need professional help due to some mental health issue. We will discuss different mental health issues and how they are viewed and how we can change those views.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional mental health counselor; I am simply someone who has walked through the darkness and with the help of friends and family I am still alive. Everything in this book is from my point of view, my own personal research and my own experiences.

Do You Know

Do you know how to make that special someone smile?

Do you know what to say to make their day brighter?

Do you know how much they mean to you?

Do you know that you are the luckiest person in the world?

Do you know just how much they love you?

Do you know how to appreciate that love?

Do you know that you make my world a better place because you are here?

Do you know that you make me smile just with a touch of your hand?

Do you know that your smile warms my heart and lights up my life?

Do you know that my life is incomplete without you?

Do you know I carry the thought of you with me everyday?

Do you know I carry you next to my heart always?

Do you know that you are the most beautiful woman on this planet?

Do you know that there is nothing in this world that could ever make me stop loving you?

Do you know that one day we will be together again?

Do you know I will get to look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you?

Do you know that you love makes me feel so proud and happy?

Do you know that my love for you is unconditional and forever?

Do you know that I am sorry for everything that I have done wrong that hurt you?

Do you know that you are special in every sense of the word?

Do you know that I hope one day you will know just how much I truly do love you?

Do you know that there is not a single thing in this life that I would not do for you? ��